Love From A Distance
by Misha
Summary: She loves him, but she does it from a distance because his broken heart has never healed. JoshC.J, minor JoshDonna


Love From A Distance   
By Misha 

Disclaimer- These characters are the property of NBC, Aaron Sorkin, or whoever. I'm not writing this for profit in any way, shape, or form, but because I have a lot of spare time on my hands. 

Author's Notes- This came to me on the way to a class trip. It's kind of new for me. It's told from C.J's PoV and is kinda CJ/Josh, as well as Josh/Donna. It is definitely sad and sort of bittersweet. Well, that is all for now, enjoy! 

Rating- PG 

Spoilers- Nothing, really.   


* * *

Love can be cruel. It often causes more pain than happiness. Perhaps we would be better off without it. But we can not resist it; we can not help falling in love, even when we know that there is no hope. 

I know that better than anyone. 

Because I love him. I love Joshua Lyman. 

I do not know how it happened or when, just that it did. One day he was just one of my closest friends, part of this weird and wonderful extended family we have going, the next, I realized that I had started to fall in love with him. 

Lately I have started to wonder, if maybe I always loved him, but just did not want to admit it to myself until after Donna died. 

After all, from the moment they met, everyone knew that they would end up together someday. Which meant that there could be no chance for me with Josh, even if I had dared admit to even myself that I had feelings for him. 

But now, things are different; at least they are on the surface. After all, Donna is gone now. Josh's beautiful Donna has been dead for over three years. 

I will never forget the horrible day that we lost her. The day that, after scarcely a year as Josh's wife, Donna died giving birth to his daughter. 

We all knew that it was a high-risk pregnancy and that the labour had gone badly quickly, but I do not think any of us, still really even considered the possibility that we would lose her. Especially not Josh. The news hit him so hard. 

His pain was so deep, that there was nothing any of us could do to ease it. 

The only thing that helped at all, was Joan Donnatella Lyman, the frail little girl who Donna had sacrificed so much to bring into the world. 

From the moment she was born, Joan looked just like her mother. A fact, which bothered Josh at first, but later became a major source of comfort him. 

He told me that, at the very beginning, it hurt just to look at her and see the reminder of Donna. But, that at the same time, she was a piece of Donna and her presence made it so that Donna would never be completely gone. 

Josh said that as the months went by, his daughter's presence comforted him. She soon became the center of his world. 

Joan is an adorable little girl, I love her even more than I love her father. And I do love Josh very much. 

I have tried not to, since I know that it would never work out. 

Mainly because of the fact that Josh will never feel the same way about me. He sees me as his friend, as Donna's friend, as someone who has been there to help him and Joan out the last few years. 

That is all. 

He does not see me as a desirable woman. 

Sometimes I wonder if he will ever think of a woman in those terms again. 

It has been three years and he has shown no signs of getting over Donna. Oh, he has moved on with his life, accepted that Donna is gone, but it often seems like he buried his heart when he buried her. 

I can understand that. He loved her with all his heart, but at the same time, I believe deep down that Donna would want him to find happiness again. 

I am not thinking that because, I wish that he would move on with me, I am aware that that will probably never happen. 

No, I think that way, because I knew Donna. Donna would not have wanted Josh to stop living because her life was cut short. She would want him to be happy and to make someone else as happy as he made her during their brief time together. 

Perhaps, Josh knows that too. But, even if he does, I know that he nowhere near ready for that. If he will ever be. 

Because, for the moment, no woman would be able to even compare to the woman he lost. 

I know that. 

That is why I do not really entertain any hopes of a future with him. 

It is also while, I will never tell anyone how I feel. I will let things continue on the way they are. I will be Josh's friend, I will still help him with Joan, I will be there in anyway I can be for them both, and I will never let him know that I want more than he can give me. And I will accept that. 

Just like I have had to accept the fact that my love is hopeless. I will survive and I will keep dreaming. 

Because I will keep loving him, no matter how hard I try not to. 

The End 


End file.
